If it's not good or bad luck, what kind of luck is it?

As I was walking around the back yard, picking up dog poo, a bird flew right into my head. It didn't poop on me, it just about knocked me out, but no poop. Is this bad luck or good luck? Take into consideration the task at hand (picking up dog poo) and then decide... is a bird flying into my head really worse than what I was doing? I think it may have been good luck or perhaps no luck at all... just some random incident.

Let me tell you what a typical night in my bed is like (not that perverts!) In a queen size bed I am lucky if I get half of the space because Skip is usually in the middle. With my half, or how ever much I have, I also share with Lucy and Joey. Joey is typically by my head and Lucy is laying on my legs. Now, I know you are thinking "get the pets off your bed" but our pets are our children and they are quite spoiled! So, I share. And to be honest, space is not my biggest issue... All THREE of my bed-mates snore. Sometimes Skip and Lucy have a snore off and it would be hard to tell who is who except for recently Skip has this nose whistle thing. Joey is more of a purrrrrr than a snore but it is still a loud noise coming from her nose / mouth area. I have invested in ear plugs but when you have a trio of snorers, they don't help much. Those little breathe right strips actually work, now all I need is to get Skip to actually wear them at night, and I need to find some little ones for Joey and Lucy. Maybe then I will get a good nights sleep!

Making "real" changes

I think that each of us can look back on our lives and separate them into tiny segments of little lifetimes. At least I can. I think that you know you are doing okay when you are learning from each experience. Today I realized that I am learning and advancing and I wish the same for each of you. I came to this conclusion when I realized that the Rubbermaid in my cupboard has stayed organized for over 4 months now!

For Emily: A Haiku

Some days are just tears
Then all I can do is smile
Like sunshine and rain

Midwest Montage....

So we made it home. Although it is nice to visit and see family and friends, it is so nice to come home... especially when you are coming home to 80 degree weather vs. 30's. If I tried to write about the entire visit it would take to much time and space, so instead I have decided to do a montage - you know, like they do in the moves. Here goes!

• Late night flight, wake up the Weber/Coopers, cuddle, sleep, wake up, cuddle, leave.
• Drive..... drive more.... drink DP, eat Doritos and all kinds of other crap, listen to book on CD, drive more.
• Arrive in SD - Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Pokey and Dolly happy to see us.
• Dinner with Greg, Casey, Gabe, Lauren. Happy Birthday Greg! Finish crossword puzzle. Sleep.
• Sleep in, insulate, drive around town with Bonnie, Eat nummy dinner, visit with Teri and Rat Bag, Work on new crossword puzzle, sleep.
• Wake up, Christmas shop for the kids (we love toys!!!), find out x is having baby - weird!, nap, dinner with the family, sleep.
• Wake up, break computer, fix computer, setup Bonnie's Ipod, open presents, work on Kia's algebra (Skip, not me!), drive.....eat fun dip, pringles, DP and other crap, finish book on CD, drive more.
• Arrive back at Weber / Coopers, go to dinner - nummy Japanese, setup Christmas tree (I know, I know, it's too early!) Watch The Soup, Saturday Night Live then go to sleep.
• Wake up at butt crack of dawn, fly home.

It may not sound too exciting to you but we had a great time and as always, the trip was too short and next time we need to plan for more time in both locations! However; the next trip will be between the months of April and August. No more of this freezing crap. Looks like it's time for y'all to visit us!!

Letters to myself - Tres

Dear Faith,

I understand that you are belief without truth and I accept you. I am counting on you to help me give up control. To stop me from trying to predict my future and trust that I will have happiness. Help me understand that for each painful experience, a lesson will be learned, for without pain, there would be no pleasure. Without you I will not be able to accept the love that is not obvious. I know that with you in my life, all things are possible. Once you are in my life I will know, despite my changing moods, that which I once knew, is still my truth.

I welcome you with open arms!

Janeal

Comfort

So... We have made the annual winter trip to the frozen tundra; South Dakota via Minnesota. We flew in last night, LATE last night, and stayed at Jen's and got up early to make the 5 hour drive to Aberdeen. During my short stay in Minneapolis I had a million thoughts running through my mind about why I love staying at Jen's house. I will just mention a few:

• It doesn't matter when I show up, the door is open and I am welcome.


• My room is always ready with my favorite smelly candles burning and my bed is so comfy with nice, clean, crisp sheets and fluffy down pillows and comforter. (I call it MY room, not sure if everyone else realizes it's mine!!)


• There are always two beautiful girls and sometimes three (unless she is already in bed) that run to the door happy to see me.


• If Jen is in bed, I can just crawl in next to her for hugs and she never minds that I wake her.


• Anna and Shiva also come out to greet me (not Mia, typical bitchy cat).


• If I need something I can always find it just by looking, and I never feel like I shouldn't be looking in any particular place (I know what drawer to stay out of!!).


• Box of tissue in the bathrooms. Some people don't know how important this is and just so you know.... toilet paper is NOT the same as tissues!


• Cuddles with Autumn and Aspen.


• And my favorite.... When Jen hugs me goodbye in the morning, I can smell her for the rest of day and be comforted by all these things.

I can't wait to arrive back at her house on Saturday for it to all start over again.

Letters to myself - Part deux

Dear Pride,

You are the part of me that kept me from accepting help when in fact, I needed it more than ever. You stopped me from saying I'm sorry, I love you, I need you, I want you. You made me think that I knew it all so I never learned from those that were most willing to teach. You had excess belief in my abilities that made me doubt in my belief of the divine grace. You are the ultimate source of all of my other sins.

You are no longer welcome... PLEASE LEAVE.

Sincerely,
Janeal

Fall...

It's that time of year again... Time to carve pumpkins:

Dress up the kids:

And.... plant pansies?????

Not sure I am use to this climate yet...

Letting go.

I woke from my dream screaming for you. You didn't answer. I looked everywhere, calling your name as I ran from room to room. Then I realized I was still dreaming; or at least I thought so. But you showed up anyway so why does it matter if it was a dream or not. But it did... You had changed. So much, as a matter of fact that I wouldn't have recognized you if it weren't for your eyes. They were the same. They have that look of laughter deep down even when the tears well up on the surface. As if you cry just so everyone knows you are like the rest of them, but really you are laughing inside. I know now that is not true. Despite the laughter in your eyes, you cry like everyone else. As a matter of fact, I think that you cry more than anyone realizes. But that was not a noticeable change, it's just something I know about you. Your physical appearance was the same. That wasn't the change I was seeing. I am so use to you moving at a fast pace, one step ahead of everyone else. I have always thought it must be such a chore to try to anticipate what everyone else will do and when they will do it, but you never let on that that was what you were doing. You tend to speak your words so quickly yet so eloquently, as if they were a part of script you had memorized. You rarely miss speak and when you do, that also seems like a part of the script. Perhaps you practice every word you say in advance. It is hard to tell. But now there is only a slight resemblance of those traits in you. I believe that your spontaneity will be missed by me the most, but I have had some time to adjust, as that was really the first part of you to go. And I can only hope that you will never lose the laughter. Somehow you always found something to laugh about and you were never silent about it. I believe you touched more people with your laughter than anything else. But again, I can't be sure: about you loosing the laughter and also about the effect you have on people. That also may be something we just thought was happening. It may have been a part of the dream; if this is a dream. I can't find you anymore so I scream for you again, you still don't answer me. I will not waste my time running from room to room to look for you again, I know now that you have left. I must spend my time mourning the loss of you, because I know now that you will not return. And if, by some small chance you do; I have no choice but to ignore you as I have been told that you are no good for me anymore. But I miss you so much, already. Oh the times we had, I don't think anyone would believe us if we tried to speak of all of them. I can only hope that your replacement brings me as much joy, and happiness and as many beautiful memories as you did.

Farewell my friend. You will be missed...

Letters to myself - Part 1

Dear Ego,

You are the piece of me that causes me to worry, makes me live in doubt, makes me scared and judge other people. You make me afraid to trust, to need proof, to believe only when convenient. Because of you I fail to follow up, refuse to practice what I preach, need to be rescued, want to be a victim and I beat up on my "self." Without you I would not feel the need to be right all of the time and I would not continue to hold on to what does not work!

Let this be your warning.... YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED!

Sincerely,
Janeal

Put me in the hands of my maker and call it a day!

I think there are two types of people when it comes to taking control of your own life. There are those of us who are going to learn as much as we can about what is going on in our lives. We will research on the Internet, we will read books, we will ask friends, family, doctors, counselors, we will take quizzes! We do what it takes to learn. Then we make educated decisions based upon what we have learned. We are advocates of change when change is needed. The process is stressful and takes a lot of time, time worth spending because this is - your life! Then there are those who don't do a fucking thing. They just let things happen, perhaps leaving it up to some divine power. The crazy thing about it is that the result is the same either way. Why do I bother??

Recycle, Reuse, Reduce

We hear so much about being green these days and I know that all my friends and family are doing one thing or another to reduce their own carbon footprint. Some of the more logical things are, recycling garbage - this has been made easy due to the fact that most cities now have recycling programs, some which are mandatory (like in Wisconsin - when I lived there in 1997 you HAD to recycle and if they found recyclables in your garbage you would get a fine!). Another being taking your own bags to the grocery store. We keep the bags in our cars so we don't' forget. Car pooling - this is easy for us, not so easy for others. Working from home - this saves gas and allows us a day in our PJ's without showering (yahoo!) You get my drift... But, today I discovered another way to be green and it's one of the best ways yet! Getting books from the library. Yep - you heard me right! I forgot how much I love the library. Let me give you a few reasons why:

• There are a million books to pick from (and audio books)
• There are a million movies to pick from
• There are a million CD's to pick from
• There is so much community information available
• Internet
• It's FREE!

I tell you, I was like a kid in a candy store today. First, I was so proud to get my new library card. I really am becoming an Arizonian (is that what they are called?) Second, I thought the lady was crazy when she told me I could check out 35 items at a time - this was before I started looking around. I was limited on time and I came home with 6 books! I didn't even have time to get to the CD's, DVD's, or audio books. Third, this really helps me save money! I have been buying a book each month for book club and I have been doing a lot of research on other things and buying books for that - well guess what??? They are all at the library!

Next thing I am going to explore is Vintage Shopping. Yep, you got it, thrift stores, consignment shops, etc... Like Kermit said "It's Not Easy Being Green" but hey, I think I will give it a try!

Time to grow my wings...

It has been a very long time since I have written anything, and not for lack of time - that I have had plenty of! Just for lack of creativity! However; tonight, on this night of great change, I feel like I need to say something. Now, don't let me confuse you - I really have no idea what I am about to say, I just know I need this outlet.

Now I don't typically like to talk politics, but those of you who know me, know that I do not hide my political affiliation with the Democratic Party. If you do not know how passionate I am about this, please ask Skip - he can attest to my passion. I must also explain that although my Grandfather was a devout Democrat, my dedication to this party has nothing to do with family, religion, or any other obligation. I support the Democratic Party purely because it is the best match for me, my views on so many issues, and my lifestyle. This is a decision I have made for myself. With all of that being said - I can not be happier about the results of the Presidential Election tonight and I will end my evening by praying for peace in the upcoming Presidential Term so that our new President can do the job that we have elected him to do. I urge you to do the same.

Now, you may not see the connection between the election results and this next paragraph but give me time...

I have been sick for a while, very sick, and I am currently on medical leave from work and will be for another month or so. And similar to politics, I don't really like to talk about it. And, to those of you who actually read this blog and know that I have been sick but only know the small amount of details I have given you, thank you for respecting my privacy and while you are praying for peace for out country tonight - slip a little one in there for me and my own inner peace! Thanks for that.

So, here is the connection. Like the country and the state of turmoil we are in, so am I in turmoil. I have literally been in a period of "waiting for things to get better." For my country and for myself. I truly am not a patient person. For fucks sake - I hate to shop online because it takes so damn long to show up on my doorstep. But to get those things that we truly want, we must wait. In the words of Sue Monk Kidd, "we must cocoon." For so long we have been that caterpillar, climbing, crawling, struggling, and now we must wait and prepare for this new stage. So that is what I have done. I have spun my chrysalis and I am in a stage of waiting. And I will wait, patiently, for I know that soon I will break through, and fly.

Today, as I took Skip outside to show him how many lemons were actually ripe on the lemon tree the most beautiful monarch butterfly flew over our heads. Now you might not see the beauty in this, but this particular butterfly was flying somewhat unsteady, as if it were it's first flight. And to confirm this theory, part of the crysalisis was still hanging from the butterfly in flight. At this sight I knew, in my heart that there was change to look forward to. I also knew that I am not ready to leave my cocoon, so i rejoiced in the fact that the change that was about to happen would benefit so many others.

So as I wait for the next 77 days to pass so we can get President Bush the HELL out of the White House (his first four years could compare to that catterpilar stage where we worked so hard for nothing, the final four years our waiting period, knowing that ANY change would be better) and welcome President Obama with open arms, I will also be waiting... Waiting to emerge from the cocoon that I spun after a long hard trip as a catterpilar, into that beautiful butterfly, with a new sense of hope, with a healthy diagnosis, and a new outlook on life.