Letting go.

I woke from my dream screaming for you. You didn't answer. I looked everywhere, calling your name as I ran from room to room. Then I realized I was still dreaming; or at least I thought so. But you showed up anyway so why does it matter if it was a dream or not. But it did... You had changed. So much, as a matter of fact that I wouldn't have recognized you if it weren't for your eyes. They were the same. They have that look of laughter deep down even when the tears well up on the surface. As if you cry just so everyone knows you are like the rest of them, but really you are laughing inside. I know now that is not true. Despite the laughter in your eyes, you cry like everyone else. As a matter of fact, I think that you cry more than anyone realizes. But that was not a noticeable change, it's just something I know about you. Your physical appearance was the same. That wasn't the change I was seeing. I am so use to you moving at a fast pace, one step ahead of everyone else. I have always thought it must be such a chore to try to anticipate what everyone else will do and when they will do it, but you never let on that that was what you were doing. You tend to speak your words so quickly yet so eloquently, as if they were a part of script you had memorized. You rarely miss speak and when you do, that also seems like a part of the script. Perhaps you practice every word you say in advance. It is hard to tell. But now there is only a slight resemblance of those traits in you. I believe that your spontaneity will be missed by me the most, but I have had some time to adjust, as that was really the first part of you to go. And I can only hope that you will never lose the laughter. Somehow you always found something to laugh about and you were never silent about it. I believe you touched more people with your laughter than anything else. But again, I can't be sure: about you loosing the laughter and also about the effect you have on people. That also may be something we just thought was happening. It may have been a part of the dream; if this is a dream. I can't find you anymore so I scream for you again, you still don't answer me. I will not waste my time running from room to room to look for you again, I know now that you have left. I must spend my time mourning the loss of you, because I know now that you will not return. And if, by some small chance you do; I have no choice but to ignore you as I have been told that you are no good for me anymore. But I miss you so much, already. Oh the times we had, I don't think anyone would believe us if we tried to speak of all of them. I can only hope that your replacement brings me as much joy, and happiness and as many beautiful memories as you did.

Farewell my friend. You will be missed...