Once upon a time...

Is there anyone in your life that you have known as long as you can remember knowing someone? Well that is how long I have known Deb - or Debbie Smebby Monkey McGuire, as I like to call her. She is truly what you call a "best friend". We have shared all of the important things you are supposed to share with friends. So, whether you want to or not.... you are about to take a walk down memory lane with me and DSMM (Debbie Smebby Monkey McGuire, don't make me tell you again). Here's the story...

First, Kissing each other at the usual place (for those of you who want to know, ask - those who want to keep your minds in the gutter, go ahead and keep it to yourselves). The "Red Hots". Your tape recorder and Queen! Greg Ashby and Scott Abeyta - why didn't we marry them? That fucking humping dog pugsly and the fucking worm shockers that killed Rusty - talk about dysfunction! Who knocked down the fucking door! Telling "her feet are so big" jokes. Pooling our lunch money to by a gram (yes $5 worth) of weed and one Pepsi and a bag of chips to share. Brian Griego and Timmy Miller - why didn't we marry them? DEVO!!! Teresa flying through the air like super girl and skidding to a screeching halt on the gravel. Paul Martinez - GROSS! Chipmunks talking to us - Cheap, Cheap, Cheap! Boys, Boys and more Boys (our poor mothers). Jack Daniels and you vomiting all over and me trying to tell your parents it was from fry sauce?? Westpoint Arcade. Miller light and your dad riding that damn bike. The baseball field..... ahh. Woot wooo number two (can you believe he's a pilot now?) The unveiling of the tattoo (why was I always at your house when that shit happened??) Sitting in vomit that looked somewhat like steak fajitas. Troy Staley and Richard Archuleta - Why didn't we marry them?? (Oh yeah, let's not talk about that.) Barney underwear. "Sweet Caroline" and one wedding in Duchesne that we will never forget!! Driving in the Uhaul and flashing boys, followed by dancing all night long with military men in Wyoming. Marriages, babies, divorces. Sickness and Death - I couldn't have made it through it without you. Laughing until we peed our pants - and not just once! Hiding from crazy men in my mom's house! Planning weddings that never happened (I've always been such a chicken) planning weddings that happened and ended in divorce (I should have followed my instincts). Pat O' Brian's Hurricane Mix, a little hooch and an Italian Vini-Man while laying in a bunk bed. I could go on and on and on.....

You are my soul mate and I can't imagine my life without you girl. It doesn't matter how far away life takes me, you are always in my heart. I love you Monkey!

Watch your step!

Now that my time in Downtown Salt Lake City is coming to an end, I think back to all the crazy shit I have seen on the streets. I'm not talking about your typical homeless person, hookers or drunk frat boys leaving the bars, I am talking about downright crazy shit. Like tonight... Big chicken bone right on the sidewalk outside the gate to my condo. Now, I am all about a little KFC every once in a while but who eats chicken while walking down the streets of downtown and then just discard of the bone by tossing it on the ground like it's an empty sunflower shell?? Who does that? And it's not just garbage either - there are some crazy people. The other night while headed to "Fred Smith's" (long story for another blog) we saw a man... in a suit, with a bow tie and carrying a briefcase, riding a unicycle! Now that was just weird. But, the most insane thing to date was the human turd! Yes, there was a human turd on the sidewalk for months. And this turd would just get smaller and smaller as a result of the elements - not because it was kicked around or stepped on because fortunately it was right up against a building... How considerate of the person who was shitting on the sidewalks of downtown!